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Emotional intelligence & self-care: the missing competence?<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n Daniel Goleman the author of “Working with Emotional Intelligence”<\/a>, talks about several competencies under “Personal” and “Social” competencies – Self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, motivation and relationship management\/social skills. Perhaps it is now time in our world of intensity, fear, overwhelm and stress to add one more competence – “Self-care?”<\/span><\/p>\n In our present-day world, on most corners you meet headlines referring to poor mental health, burnout, stress and overwhelm. Where are we going wrong? For the last several years we have been bombarded with external factors that have created this undercurrent of fear that continues to steadily eat away at human resilience with no sign of abating. Workload is another of the biggest factors in our daily lives to impact our physical and emotional energy resources. Feeling fearful and or overwhelmed means a sense of loss of control. When we are not feeling in control due to the “unknown” – Covid, inflation, petrol prices etc as well as due to impending deadlines, sheer volume of work and a lack of appreciation we leak energy just like a tyre on your car with a slow puncture, that over time leads into a downward spiral until you are literally “flat”. Eventually resulting in poor health as the endocrine system tries hard to rectify the constant onslaught of “fight and flight” reactions.<\/span><\/p>\n What is Self-care?<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n Considering “Self-care” from the point of view of Emotional Intelligence, in my opinion it is a combination of “self-awareness” and “self-regulation”. In other words, the ability to listen to yourself and observe a change in reactions to everyday issues, such as being less patient, overly aggressive in your manner, moody and lacking joy, and then to tune into yourself and pay more attention to these changes to understand the real cause. Having understood the cause, whatever that might be to then put in place some actions to self-regulate. In other words, to “manage one’s internal states, impulses and resources”<\/i> so that your thoughts, actions and overall behaviour no longer drain energy.<\/span><\/p>\n In order to recognise when things are becoming too much “Self- care” goes a little deeper than self-regulation. It requires taking the foot of the pedal, putting practices in place that regulate work-volumes and deadlines to a point where you are stretched, but not over stretched as to over-stimulate the “fight and flight” response, taking down-time and generally assisting your internal physical and mental mechanisms to return to a state of homeostasis. In short-term circumstances when it is temporarily not possible to take your foot off the pedal to put several actions in place that positively support your energy system, for example:<\/span><\/p>\n Pause, breathe deeply for 3 in and out breaths<\/span><\/b> – always ensuring the out-breath is longer than the in-breath. In this way you slow down your emotional reactions and bring an inner calm to the situation. Using this technique in the moment is very useful when your response would otherwise have been reactive and reckless.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Create space and time for yourself every day<\/span><\/b> – During this time, which might only be 10-20 minutes a day, stay away from digital distractions and invest time in yourself walking, meditating and generally connecting with yourself. Taking time out creates the space in which to assess, evaluate and tune into your thoughts and emotions around different situations. For effective investment of time:<\/span><\/p>\n “Creating space for yourself on a daily basis, helps to regulate daily stresses and create that breathing space in order to “see” your emotional triggers.<\/span><\/p>\n Respect your personal capacity<\/span><\/b> – say “No” when you know it is one thing too much. Talk to someone when you feel overwhelmed and stressed. They will likely be able to see the “wood for the trees” and help find the way out.<\/span><\/p>\n Keep your diet nutritionally rich<\/span><\/b> – Avoid wheat and wheat-based foods. Wheat affects the brain as well as the body, causing stress to the digestive system and ultimately the brain as the two are inextricably linked through the gut-brain axis. If you want to get maximum energy from what you eat choose foods that support effective digestion and an agile mind:<\/span><\/p>\n\n
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